


the kind i’d like to meet

by fiveyaaas



Series: In Another Life [7]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: (not from five to clarify), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betrayal, Bisexual Number Five | The Boy, Bisexual Vanya Hargreeves, Blow Jobs, Cuckolding, Cunnilingus, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Face-Sitting, First Time Blow Jobs, Forced Marriage, Gay Ben Hargreeves, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Loss of Virginity, Misunderstandings, Moral Ambiguity, Mutual Pining, Older Man/Younger Man, Older Woman/Younger Man, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Sex Work, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, five is a bit of a dick on this, technically there’s side five/dolores and five/ben
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:46:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28052649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: As he prepared himself for a sad, old woman who probably just wanted something sweet with a bunch of cuddling after, he was genuinely bewildered at the woman that opened the door. While she definitely did hold a certain sadness to her gaze, she also was incredibly young, likely only a mere ten years older than himself. She nodded to him, opening the door more fully before disappearing inside. He followed, confused by the interaction.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: In Another Life [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868005
Comments: 22
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [soitgoes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soitgoes/gifts).



> This is for soitgoes, as part of one of our three exchanges💕💕💕💕 I appreciate her writing and her willingness to do these exchanges, and I’m so thankful to call her my friend💕💕💕

He didn’t actually _mind_ being a callboy. Every time that he heard stories of people partipating in sex work from people not in the industry, it would always be these dramatic ass tales about people who disliked the job and just needed money. And, well, Five _did_ need the money, trying to get an expensive doctorate, but he also didn’t mind the job at all. In fact, he _enjoyed_ it. He got paid well on top of having all kinds of benefits from his lonelier customers, and he also didn’t mind having sex for a living at all. Not only was it a great source of release, he also enjoyed the confidence boost he got from the customers who kept him as a regular, even if they were for the most part older men and women with an excess of money they wanted to spend on a young, attractive man. 

Truly, he had the ideal job, and he was thankful for it. The only problem was that he had the occasional client that he didn’t want to involve himself with. Okay, truly, it had literally only been _one_ client, but she’d been so awful to him that he was sometimes scared of having the job. Oddly, none of his male clients had ever made him that uncomfortable before, but he supposed that closeted old men weren’t exactly looking for a serious, _public,_ commitment. It was the fact that she hadn’t respected that boundary, and she’d wanted them to be in an actual relationship instead of what it was. He’d had to change his locks and phone number and avoid certain parts of town for months, and the feeling of lasting unsettlement sometimes made him want to quit the job completely. 

But, truly, the pay, hours and benefits were immaculate, and, for the most part, it was the most enjoyable job he’d ever had. Spending time with his clients, who, for the most part, just wanted a good fuck was usually a great source of stress relief, even, especially when he’d see the enormous tip from the clients with more specific fetishes that he didn’t mind catering to at all. 

He’d been working in the field since undergrad, having standing days with his regulars and Mondays and Wednesdays marked off for new clients and people who just wanted it to be a one-time-thing. When he got called in for a Wednesday appointment this most recent time, he’d expected it to be another one-time-thing, based on the quality of the apartment he’d gone to. 

He knocked on the door, eyeing the scratched doorknob, wondering if his client was an alcoholic or just somebody that didn’t pay attention when they went home.

(She was neither.) 

As he prepared himself for a sad, old woman who probably just wanted something sweet with a bunch of cuddling after, he was genuinely bewildered at the woman that opened the door. While she definitely did hold a certain sadness to her gaze, she also was incredibly _young,_ likely only a mere ten years older than himself. She nodded to him, opening the door more fully before disappearing inside. He followed, confused by the interaction. 

“Hello, I’m Five,” he told her. He actually didn’t mind using his real name, primarily because everybody assumed that it wasn’t actually his name and bothered to look forward. “Are you Vanya?”

She nodded, “You charge per hour, correct?”

“Yes, and additional fees for specific services.”

She scribbled out a check, quickly, and he had to force himself from gawking at the fact that she seriously just wrote him a check for 10k without any thought to the action. “How much do you charge for pretending to be in a relationship with someone?”

Dangerous territory. “What do you mean?” Five asked cautiously. 

“I don’t actually want to fuck you,” she said it with none of the propriety he’d expected, and he was just the slightest bit offended at the blunt, matter-of-fact tone. “I need someone young and attractive that looks _somewhat_ like you that pretends to be in a relationship with me.”

“Why?”

Her eyes hardened, “How much do you charge? That right there is for the consultation, but I need you to tell me if you’re uncomfortable standing around and looking pretty at parties for me. If so, I have to start searching as soon as possible, considering I have a gala coming up this Saturday.”

“What exactly do you do for a living?”

“I’m the CFO at my father’s company, and, yes, before you ask, it was a nepotism hire, but I’m _good_ at my job.” She sounded like she’d had the speech locked and loaded at all times, and he wondered how many times she’d had to defend herself for the job already. “Now, what are your thoughts? Do I need somebody else?”

“I-” He spared a glance at the check she’d written so easily. She didn’t seem to be lying that she didn’t want him in any way except for the purposes of… whatever it was she needed for having a young, attractive piece of arm candy on her arms for business functions. Maybe it was some sort of power move, like she was trying to say, _‘Oh, you think I’m incapable of taking care of a company? I’ll show you incapable.’_ Or maybe it was just that she thought it would make her look like some sort of cougar and it would help the image she was trying to garner for himself. Either way, he only had one answer he could possibly give when he saw how easily she’d handed him that money, how easily he could get his student loans paid off and the rest of his college taken care of as well. 

“Yes.”

* * *

When he went to his Thursday regular the next day (she claimed having Thursday as the day she got dick to be the best for her busy schedule, using that exact phrasing), he was relieved at the familiarity. For some reason, he kept thinking of the woman the day before, not sure why he was so offended that she didn’t want their relationship to be anything sexual at all. He assumed it was the principle of it all, the so-called sanctity of what his job entailed. She was interrupting the natural flow of fucking people and them paying for it. 

Whatever the reason it made him so upset, he was relieved to unlock Dolores’s door (she’d given him a key his first year of working for her), calling out sardonically, “Honey, I’m home!”

She walked out of the kitchen, wearing only pantyhose and a bralette. “You would not _believe_ the day I had,” she complained. Like Vanya, she was younger than his usual clients, but she wasn’t quite _as_ young. It was possible that her face was also entirely plastic from the amount of surgeries as well, considering she’d met her husband because he’d been a plastic surgeon in the same office as her regular doctor for cosmetic concerns. Her husband didn’t mind that she had a regular callboy, especially when he was his callboy as well. 

“What kind of day did you have?” Five asked, unhooking her bra before he knelt down in front of her. 

She spread her legs, “Some lady at my yoga class was trying to imply that my husband was gay, and having an affair.”

He glanced up amusedly, index finger running over her slick folds. “How _dare_ she? Did she also imply he only married you to appease his mother?”

“No, she clearly doesn’t know the actual story,” she said rolling her eyes and trying to push his face to give her attention. “If I told her that I was aware of it though, that I know the man he regularly fucks and that he’s fucking me too, she’d have a fit. I’d be kicked out of our book club.”

Five tried not to laugh at Dolores. Her husband had been something of a jackpot, considering he didn’t mind that she spent his exorbitant wealth and she didn’t mind that he didn’t want to actually be with her. However, the life she led was just so out of touch with the realities of the world, and the way she talked about her yoga class struggles like they were the worst things that ever happened to anybody, ever, caused such a light irritation that usually only made him silently judge her for being so vapid. 

When she came, she relaxed enough that she wasn’t complaining any longer, and he carried her to the bedroom, shoved on a condom, and fucked her until she was tired out. He walked downstairs and grabbed something from the fridge while he waited for her husband, flicking through the pages of a book he’d grabbed from the shelf. 

As Ben walked in, he glanced up at him with a smile, already planning on shoving the tip he got tonight into his savings account. He used their funds for his savings account, always having the urge to be prepared for any possible scenario. Five listened to him talk about some guy at his gym that he wanted to be with while he sucked him off, paying attention mainly because the act was boring for himself (and was sort of just expected from male clients). 

“You think you wanna ask this Klaus guy out?” Five asked, wiping his chin when he pulled away. 

“I don’t think so. Dolores might be upset.”

Five furrowed his brows. 

“She doesn’t actually _care_ about me that way, I know, but we _are_ friends with one another. And me being involved with men and having blatant, public affairs would mess her up. You know how much her social circles mean to her.”

Five nodded, not entirely understanding but still knowing. An idea came to mind, and he found himself blurting, thinking of warm brown eyes and bluntly spoken words, “How often do you think relationships are used to help social circles like that?”

“Uh, I dunno. I think it tends to be more of a rich lady thing. That reminds me! Someone in Dolores’s book club said she was looking for someone to pretend to be in a relationship if you’re interested in something like-”

“Is it Vanya Hargreeves?” Five blurted, aware he was possibly breaking some sort of code but genuinely shocked at the description. 

“Yeah, did Dolores tell you that already, I guess? 

She hadn’t. “So it’s normal, then?” Five asked, evading the question. “For people to do that?”

“Maybe, I don’t really know.”

Five nodded, wondering if he should tell Vanya that he’d talked about her behind her back.

* * *

“I’m having a tailor go to you to get you fitted for a suit. Don’t embarrass me while we’re there, that’s all I ask.”

What did _that_ mean?

“Alright, anything else?”

“Make sure your hair is styled. It was messy the other day.”

His clients usually enjoyed it more when it was. “Alright.” He wanted to ask what else again, mind filling with images of her deciding ‘I’m paying anyways’ and having him eat her out under the elaborate address she’d likely wear for the party, riding his face until—

“I’ll see you then, and I’m sending a car to you so I expect you won’t be late.” 

When she hung up, he thought about the commanding tone of her voice, how at ease she was with bossing him around, of the way she’d not worn a bra when he’d gone to her the day before. His hand slipped into his trousers, not minding at all when it occurred to him why he actually _wanted_ her to just be a normal client as he jerked himself off. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! Updating this now because I really enjoy writing this fic, and, hopefully, some of y’all wanted to read chapter 2 🙏 This is quite a long fic, but I really am excited for it and hope that some fo you are too!!! I will probably give a few more tags while I post this update, so be sure to read over them and make sure you’re still okay with everything mentioned!

That Saturday, Five took an almost _absurd_ level of care with his hair, but Vanya had specifically asked that he would. She’d texted for him to keep his beard, and, grinning, he’d messaged back asking if she liked it. 

**_V.H. 4:38 PM_ ** _It’s not for me. If you’d prefer, though, shave it._

He’d felt the same pang in his chest as he had when she’d suggested that he might embarrass her at this gala, getting the idea that she didn’t really think much of him or his career at all. Vanya hadn’t said much of anything to him, but he worried that she had already made up her mind about him ~~and it wasn’t anything he wanted her to think of him.~~

 **_Me. 4:39 PM_ ** _It’s fine! I won’t shave._

Really, he was acting ridiculous. Why should he care what a client thought of him? She was spending her money on him pretending to be her boyfriend; it wasn’t exactly like she had the greatest life situation, either. Five shouldn’t feel shame because of _her._

When he finished fixing his hair, he studied himself in the mirror, hoping that he didn’t look like someone that would embarrass Vanya Hargreeves.

* * *

“Put your hand on my waist and lean down like you’re telling me something important,” Vanya told him. Her hair was done up in an elaborate style that he was pretty sure she hadn’t done herself (and he didn’t imagine any of the perfectly painted on makeup was her work, either). She’d worn an elaborate, sleeveless royal purple dress that he figured she was only wearing to make a point (or to make somebody else happy, based on the way she kept running her fingers over the silky fabric, like she was in disbelief at wearing it). “I’ll give you another thousand dollars if you make it look like you think you’re actually attracted to me, and that you’ve struck gold.”

Five leaned forward, lips pressing to her ear, smirking as she shivered from his stubble against her neck, “I have struck gold. You pay me a lot.” She turned her eyes subtly up, glancing to him instead of the man that she’d been making eye contact with before, causing Five’s chest to go tight for reasons unknown to him. His voice was a purr when he added, “And you look stunning tonight. How could I _not_ be attracted to you? I can’t think of a single man or woman in here that wouldn’t take the opportunity to crawl under your dress and—”

“Shut up,” she snapped, face going red. “And look pretty.”

Five grinned, pulling back. He was, after all, a callboy, so looking pretty would be simple for him. “Are you going to introduce me as your boyfriend?” Five asked. “Or are you going to cause _quite_ the scandal among these hoity-toity fucks?”

“You’re aware I’m one of those hoity-toity fucks, right?”

“Well, yes, but I’d _want_ to go down on you. Though I actually have gone down on about, hmm, thirty six percent of these people?”

She turned around. “Really? Which ones?”

He tipped his chin in the direction of a few of them, and a bubble of startled laughter left her throat. “Are any of the men out?” Five asked, genuinely curious. 

“No. None of the women you pointed to are out, either.”

Maybe she was gay, and she couldn’t be out. Five supposed that made sense, feeling guilty for any of the negative thoughts he’d had about her. “You snagged yourself a few older women in your day, Miss Hargreeves?” 

Vanya shrugged, “A few. Haven’t been with any of the men in here, though, before you ask.”

“Are you out?”

“Kind of? I think a lot of people in here know that I’m bi, but they pretend _not_ to know. My father certainly would never let me marry a woman.”

“Your father has a say in who you marry?”

A snort. “Yeah, Five. He has a say in everything I do. You are here as a giant _‘fuck you’_ to him. Well, him and the man that has not stopped staring at us.”

“Is he your ex?”

She shook her head. 

“What is he to you?”

“My fiance.”

Five didn’t particularly care that she was trying to publicly cuckold her fiance, but she said the word with clear disdain. She hadn’t chosen to be with that man, and she was trying to get him to not _want_ to be with her. He wasn’t stupid; he could see the similarities to that man and himself. “You said you hadn’t been with any of the men in here.”

“Just because I am engaged to him to appease my father doesn’t mean that I’ve slept with that creep. I’ve never slept with any men, and I don’t intend to start with Leonard.”

“You could always start with me. That way your wedding night to Leonard isn’t your first foray with men.”

“I already told you that I didn’t want to have sex with you. Don’t think I won’t find somebody else, Five. The only reason I went to you was because you bore a slight resemblance to Leonard.”

He felt a little guilty for bringing it up. “I was only suggesting because I still am in disbelief that you would hire a sex worker for… fake dating.”

Vanya grabbed his hand, pulling him to a small, ornate piece of furniture that he would call a loveseat if it didn’t look like it cost more than three months of his rent. Five brushed his fingers over his knuckles, and she whispered, “Thank you, for being convincing.” He nodded, brows furrowing as he sat down beside her, their thighs pressing together, knees knocking. She kept holding his hand, and Five was a little confused that he didn’t mind it that much. It was like when one of his clients asked him to try one of their weird kinks and he had a good time, except the act was completely innocent, like they were an old, doting married couple. “If I explain everything to you, will you swear not to tell anybody?”

“Of course.” His vision landed on her bright red lips, how she looked gorgeous but how he’d thought there was something genuinely lovely the other day when she hadn’t tried at all, how she was so small compared to him, how her eyes were so wide and brown and imploring as she stared up at him. Five wasn’t stupid. He knew why he was looking at her this way, and he did not know _why_ exactly he was attracted to her, just that he was. “You can tell me anything, Vanya. Just always tell me when there’s something you don’t want anybody else to know.”

“Alright.” She cleared her throat, eyes downcast. “I’m just a little embarrassed by the fact that I listen to him, you know?”

“Your father?”

She nodded, and he set his hand on her cheek, thumbing it gently. He wasn’t acting with the gesture, just wanting to comfort her when she looked so small and sad underneath him, but she would think it was him trying to look like an adoring boyfriend to all of the people watching them. “When he told me that I was engaged to Leonard, I was _horrified._ I’m an adult, and I had never agreed to him arranging my marriage before. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s accepted and normal for some people, and I don’t mean to disparage—”

“I get it,” Five told her gently. “You didn’t know that your father intended that for you, and you were rightfully upset.”

“Do you know what he told me?” Her eyes were starting to fill with tears, but she was careful to blink and stare at a bright lamp behind them, clearly not wanting them to spill over. Five pressed his forehead to hers, meeting her eyes, squeezing her hands and offering her strength. Perhaps they could become friends. “He said, ‘this was a business decision, Vanya. Don’t think you’d have ever gotten married for something as ridiculous as _love.’_ Or, well, he might’ve used different words, but the message was clear.”

“Why didn’t you say no?”

“He’d just given me my job, Five, and I honestly _love_ my job. I’m very talented at it.” He wondered if she’d like her job if she wasn’t talented at it, or if her love for it was because of her love for being good at something. “I couldn’t say no. This was two years ago. I keep holding off the wedding, and my goal is for Leonard to leave me of his own volition, since my choice doesn’t matter here.”

“He’s staring at us right now,” Five said, not flicking his eyes to Leonard, though he could see him in his periphery. “If you kissed me right now, I bet it’d piss him off, don’t you think?”

“Do you mind if I do?”

“It’d be literally the most vanilla thing I’ve ever done with a client.”

Her eyes sparkled with amusement. “You know, I’ve never had a friend before.” When her bright red lips brushed to his, so brief that he didn’t know if anybody outside of Leonard noticed, his heart stopped for just a second. He kissed her again, more insistently, wanting to smear her lipstick on his lips, hoping it would piss him off more than everything else they’d done. The man had been seething at them the entire time, and Five got the idea that she disliked him for a reason. It made him want to be _obnoxious_ in his affection for her. Vanya finished her thought, touching her lips, looking a little stunned, “Do you think you’d want to be my friend, Five?”

“I think that I would like that very much,” he said, and it wasn’t because she was paying his bills, though he supposed that she might think that. “I noticed it was an open bar. Want to get a drink?”

* * *

When Five got home that night, he lay back on his bed, a stupid, dopey smile lighting his features. Vanya had had her driver drop him off, surprising him by going with him for the ride before she’d quickly explained that it would look like they were going home together, which would piss Leonard off further. Five had shrugged, wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her enthusiastically, feeling her fiance’s critical eyes on them as they’d stepped into the car.

She’d surprised him. While Five had only had a problem with one of his clients, he’d never expected that he’d like a client in a way that wasn’t just… wanting to fuck them. Fucking Ben and Dolores regularly was fun, but Dolores was vapid and Ben was so far into the closet that Five never really paid much attention to his personality. Neither of them were people he could imagine being with if they weren’t paying him, and that had never happened with _any_ of his clients. The sex wasn’t unenjoyable, but he had sex so regularly that he’d sometimes felt like he couldn’t ever have _any_ desire that came organically. At least he’d thought that he’d never find someone he’d enjoy in the sense of romance. In the past stretch of time, he’d almost been certain he’d never wanted to be married or share his life with anybody, perfectly content with just sleeping around once he didn’t work as a callboy any longer. 

How quickly that had changed. 

Still, when Dolores texted him, having heard a little bit about Vanya while he’d been getting ready, he didn’t say any of this, both to keep her fantasy alive and because he didn’t want to share his thoughts with anybody, finding them unsettling with how unfamiliar they were. 

**_Doll. 11:35 PM_ ** _How’d your date go, lover boy?_

 **_Me. 11:35 PM_ ** _You realize I’m supposed to keep these things private for clients, right?_

 **_Doll. 11:36 PM_ ** _Yeah, but I’m your favorite. One day you’ll make me a MILF, or you’ll get Ben riled up enough to do it and not make any of his family members suspicious. How’d your night go?_

 **_Me. 11:39 PM_ ** _Surprisingly alright._

 **_Doll. 11:41 PM_ ** _Aww, maybe she’ll make your cold, dead, shriveled heart grow three sizes._

 **_Me. 11:45 PM_ ** _Not likely._

 **_Me. 11:45 PM_ ** _Why are you texting, by the way? Do you need me to come over?_

 **_Doll. 11:48 PM_ ** _No, but I think Ben does. He had a rough day. Though maybe wait until tomorrow? I think he could use an orgasm, and you know he doesn’t want that from me._

 **_Me. 11:50 PM_ ** _I know._

 **_Doll. 11:52 PM_ ** _Tell me about Vanya. Do you like her? Think she’s the one? ;)_

 **_Me. 11:55 PM_ ** _I don’t. She doesn’t even want to fuck, just paying me to look better. Hasn’t even slept with a man._

 **_Doll. 11:56 PM_ ** _Gay?_

 **_Me. 11:56 PM_ ** _Bi, but I don’t think she’s been attracted to any men before. At least enough to justify sleeping with them._

 **_Doll. 11:57 PM_ ** _You should sleep with her. Have her lose her man-ginity to a pretty boy, and she might stop acting so uptight. Might be more likable during our book club and suggest something less dark and macabre in the future._

 **_Me. 11:58 PM_ ** _Ha. She’s a little plain; she’d be lucky to have me._

 **_Doll. 11:59 PM_ ** _Go to bed, asshole. Be here around 6PM tomorrow. Ben’s on-call until then._

Five set his phone down, heart pounding as the clock struck twelve. He hadn’t meant what he’d said about Vanya, and he’d only said it to get her to stop talking about her, to stop suggesting he should sleep with her. Still, it felt like he was betraying her somehow, especially when she’d asked him to tell nobody of any of that, but Five figured the circumstances were a little different there. Dolores _knew_ her, and she wasn’t going to say anything, anyways. She and her husband were his most regular clients, and he was something close to friends with them. He talked to them differently than he would any of his other clients, and the only reason he’d even said it was because he didn’t want to keep talking about sleeping with Vanya when she’d said, very clearly, that she didn’t want it. 

The guilt stayed with him, despite the fact that he kept trying to justify all of his actions to himself. It was a persistent, nagging thing. He almost wanted to text Dolores back and say that he didn’t think Vanya was plain, that _he’d_ be lucky to sleep with _her,_ but she’d think that it was some sort of weird roleplay thing and ask him to come over, which he didn’t want to do this late. 

Well, he actually _did_ want to have sex, had wanted to since he’d seen the neckline plunging over Vanya’s tiny breasts, the purple so dark against her exposed creamy, pale skin. How her huge eyes had stared up at him with so much trust, how the alcohol they’d sipped caused a flush to spread over her cheeks. Of the softness of her lips when she’d kissed him the first time and how he’d kissed her again, wanting to actually taste her that time around. 

Shamefully, his palm slipped into his boxers again, jerking off to his client and thinking of the way her mouth had opened up, just the slightest, a shocked gasp leaving her lips. Hearing that noise on repeat until he was coming against his fist, grabbing a tissue and letting his self-disgust wash over him, like it would cleanse him too. 

When he fell asleep, he wondered if Vanya would think he was horrible for what he’d said, or for what he’d done right after saying it.

* * *

“Why were you upset yesterday?” Five asked Ben, unknotting the silk ties that he’d used to tie him to his bed frame, gently palming his reddened asscheek with his free hand. 

Ben glanced back at him. “Dolores told you?”

He shrugged. 

Ben sighed, laying back and staring up at him. “I saw the guy again. From the gym. Klaus.”

“Oh?”

He nodded, glancing down with a small smile. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be with him, but… God, he’s charming and funny and just… I know it won’t work out.”

“I’m sorry, Ben. That really sucks.”

“Do you think it’s awful?”

“What do you mean?” Five asked, laying down against the pillows and pulling Ben to his side, yawning. 

“That I haven’t come out? Even now? Letting people think that Dolores and I are happy and then sleeping with you on a regular basis?”

He arched a brow. “A ton of people aren’t out at your age. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person for waiting to do so, and it’s not like you’re even lying to Dolores about this. She’s always known. You’re not being unfaithful to her, and, even if you were, i imagine the freak would get off on it.”

Ben laughed, but his eyes were pained. 

“Don’t worry about that, Ben. If you want to come out one day, you can. Maybe this guy will convince you to do it, even, but _when_ you come out is up to you.”

“I know that you’re only nice because I pay you, but I appreciate you listening.”

Five shrugged. “Probably would be nice to you if you didn’t pay me, either. You’re a pretty likable guy.” When his eyes got that hopeful look they sometimes got, Five reminded him, making sure to keep a clear boundary up between them, “But this _is_ a job for me.”

“I know, Five.” His voice still sounded small as it always did. 

He wished he could comfort him further, but he wasn’t able to imagine a life with anybody he’d met this way. Or, well, last week he wasn’t able to imagine a life with anybody he’d met this way, and Ben hadn’t been the one to make him change his mind. As his thoughts drifted to Vanya, he realized that maybe it was a good thing she didn’t want to sleep with him. Perhaps it would end like sex with Ben, with one party convincing themself that it meant something more than it really did, and both parties being hurt because of it. 

“You never know,” Five told him. “Maybe things could work out with Klaus, and you won’t even want me around anymore.”

“It would certainly save me a significant amount of money.”

Five grinned, glad that Ben sounded more cheerful. Glad that one of them didn’t feel like complete shit right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! 💕 Update will happen eventually!!! Also, if you’re mad at Five,,,, I understand. Comfort yourself with the fact that he will die in Human, which will be something I update pretty soon. 😔


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read my other stories, there will be an update to “Journal or Ardency” and “the five phases of taking advantage of a professor’s public meltdown” in the next hour. As well as that, I’ll look into updating a few other things today, so, if there are any fics you guys would like to see updated, feel free to tell me in the comments!

**_V.H. 3:42PM_ ** _ Would you be able to go to lunch with me tomorrow?  _

**_Me. 3:43PM_ ** _ Sure. Is there anything that you require of me?  _

**_V.H. 3:47PM_ ** _ A positive attitude.  _

**_Me. 3:47PM_ ** _ Did you just make a joke? _

**_Me. 3:47PM_ ** _ Are you flirting with me right now? _

**_V.H. 4:57PM_ ** _ If you can’t make it, don’t worry.  _

Five frowned at the message from Vanya, aware that he’d probably made her uncomfortable if she took an entire hour and ten minutes to respond. Fuck. He had been pretty sure that they were starting to make progress, being somewhat friendly to each other at all of the events she’d had him go to so far. If it weren’t for the fact that she was paying him, he would almost say that they were friends. As it was, though, he could tell that she wouldn’t have ever spent time with him if it hadn’t been for what she was going through with her father and fiance. 

**_Me. 4:59PM_ ** _ I’ll be there. Don’t worry about it. Would you like me to pick you up or…? _

Likely, she would just hire a driver, having hired one for any of the other things she’d had him escort her to, but, a few minutes later, she responded with information that surprised him. 

**_V.H. 5:07PM_ ** _ Actually, if it’s alright with you, I might just pick you up.  _

**_V.H. 5:08PM_ ** _ Unless that’s against the rules, I’m not really sure how this works.  _

**_Me. 5:09PM_ ** _ No, that’s absolutely fine, but I could drive myself if you’d like.  _

**_V.H. 5:10PM_ ** _ It’s not a huge deal. If you don’t want me to pick you up, I don’t care, but I’ll be driving to lunch anyway.  _

Five didn’t protest any further, aware that she was trying to be friendly, even though he could very well drive himself. When it had been one of her drivers picking him up, it hadn’t been as big of a deal, aware that part of it was for appearances. What she’d been describing had sounded almost… casual. Like they weren’t going out for anybody’s benefit but her own. 

Maybe she’d had a change of heart, then. 

With that realization, the next day he made a point to look as polished as he could, something he frequently did before meeting with clients, though he might have spent a little bit longer on his hair than was necessary, self-conscious to how Vanya would react to him. However, the second she pulled up, he realized that was probably not the case. Not that she didn’t look nice, but she clearly wasn’t  _ trying _ to look nice. Her hair had been pulled back into a high ponytail, wearing jeans and a purple sweatshirt. Without wearing any makeup, she looked like an exhausted soccer mom, and Five almost thought the look suited her better. She absolutely looked lovely  _ with _ makeup on, but the fact that she would always mess with it gave him the indication that she never wore it because  _ she  _ wanted to, much different than Dolores, who spent about as much money on cosmetics as she did fucking Five. It was nice to see her smiling as she glanced over to him. 

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean for you to look formal,” she commented, her expression pulling into a grimace as he settled down beside her. “Do you want to change? I just know that a few people from my book club are going to be getting coffee at the place we’re going, and I’m trying to be as public about this as possible.”

“To piss off Leonard?”

“As well as my father.”

“You know, I feel like there are other ways to piss people off without hiring a sex worker.”

“I think that you’re just bitter because I don’t want to have sex with you.”

He was, a little bit. “I’m not,” he lied. “It’s just odd to me that you don’t. This isn’t how normal people solve their problems.”

“That doesn’t really matter to me.” She shrugged. “Does it matter to you, though? I’m sure there are people I could make an arrangement with that would be less unsettled by it, if you’d prefer.”

She didn’t say it like she was threatening him, though. It sounded like she was genuinely concerned that he was upset about not sleeping with her. Five wondered if him bringing it up so much was starting to stress her out, feeling the slightest bit guilty if that was the case. “It’s alright.” 

Vanya gave him a tight smile, and he realized how tense she was. 

“Are you alright?” Five asked, not sure if it was breaking any boundary to ask.

“What do you mean?”

“You just seem… upset.”

Blinking a few times first, she quietly told him, “I am. A little bit.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to think that you have to ask, you know. It would be a little rude of me to expect that from you, and I don’t want you… I mean, just because I’m paying you doesn’t mean that I should be rude to you.”

Laughing, Five asked, “Was the way you acted before you acting  _ nice?” _

_ “Oh.” _ She blushed. “I’m really sorry about that, Five. There’s just been a lot of…” Her jaw clenched. “We don’t have to talk about this, you know. It’s not like I hired you to talk about my feelings.”

“Clients regularly talk about their feelings with me, Vanya. You don’t have to worry about it. Plus, I’d like to think that we’re… something close to friends, so I would love to help you out, if you are okay with it.”

Offering him a quick smile, Vanya explained, “It’s just that… I don’t know why I have even  _ agreed  _ to the engagement, and I don’t know how I’m going to get out of it, without Leonard or my father doing something awful.”

Five didn’t know how to respond to that. “Why…?”

She figured out what he was trying to say, even though  _ he _ hadn’t. “My father has financially supported me all of my life, Five. I  _ do  _ have enough money now, through saving it from my job, that it’s not really an issue if I get cut off from him, but I worry he’ll take some sort of legal action or something. People who are as rich as him can do whatever they want, and…”

“You’re scared,” he finished for her, feeling like an ass for not understanding before. 

She shrugged. “Wouldn’t you be? In my position?”

Truly, he didn’t know. It was easy to imagine himself leaving, but he hadn’t grown up like she had. He couldn't imagine  _ ever _ being around that kind of money, at least without feeling like an outsider. Even though he was around Dolores frequently, that kind of wealth was unimaginable to him. Her problems were almost cartoon-ish, but what Vanya was going through… Yeah, he could sympathize with her a little easier. 

“Never mind.” She sighed. By that point, they had reached their destination, so she parked the car. “I shouldn’t expect sympathy from you. Not when you probably just think I’m vapid and—”

“I don’t think you’re vapid,” he blurted, mainly to get the crease between her brows to go away. “I think that you’re in a difficult position, and it’s one that I would not likely be able to ever understand.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled. 

“Anytime you want to talk to me,” Five added. “You are welcome to do so. I can’t really do much outside of listening, but it seems like you don’t… like you don’t really have anybody for that, either.”

They still hadn’t left the car, and he wondered if he should open his door, trying to figure out what she was thinking as she closed and opened her mouth a few times. 

“Would it be weird for me to call you a friend?” Vanya finally asked, glancing away, cheeks pink. Five would have laughed if it weren’t for the soft, almost nervous way she’d said it, like she was convinced he was going to just berate her. “Because… Not only have I never done _this_ before, but… I’ve never really had a friend, either. At the gala,... Well, we were in public, so I feel like maybe you _only_ said I was to not publicly reject me—”

“I’d be  _ honored  _ to be your friend,” he assured, reaching for her hand, pulling it away from her face. “Though  _ you _ may not want  _ me  _ for one, to be fair.”

She laughed, and he realized his hand was resting against her cheek only as she tilted her head a little, leaning into his touch. There was no way that he could pull his hand away  _ now.  _

“I think that being your friend would be really nice, actually. Especially when I know you really mean it.”

Five could feel the heat of her blush against his palm. He wondered if she would bend the rule she’d made from the beginning. She was paying for his service after all; he could do it right, make it  _ good— _

“Have you ever made friends with a client before?” Her voice was filled with self-deprecation, and all he wanted to do was assure her that she was perfect, that she needn’t worry about trying to be anything else beside herself. Frankly, he knew it was probably a little obsessive, the way he was thinking about her, but he couldn’t bring himself to really care, either. “Or am I your first?”

His head tilted forward. “You’re the first, I’d say. At least the first that I would have ever made friends with regardless of if they were paying me.”

“Is that impressive?”

He snorted, not daring to move his hand when she wasn’t moving her head away from him. “You mean is it impressive that I want to be your friend, voluntarily?”

“Exactly.” Her eyes danced with amusement. 

“I  _ am  _ a  _ little  _ bit uncomfortable around new people.”

“Do you have to warm up to people?”

“I tend to not warm up to  _ anybody.” _

Vanya’s eyebrows rose, and her eyes shifted a little, looking just behind him. She seemed to think for a few seconds before she crawled impossibly closer, until their noses were touching. “Kiss me,” she breathed, and he did. 

It wasn’t until they were climbing out of the car that he realized she’d asked only because of the people watching them. 

The kiss had felt so genuine, though.

* * *

Dolores flipped through a magazine as he ate her out, boredly announcing the libra horoscope for him. He was pretty certain that she got off on ignoring him just as much as she did him flicking his tongue inside of her, but he didn’t particularly care, given the fact that she was paying his light bill. Actually, fucking Dolores had become more enjoyable in the stretch of time since he’d met Vanya, since he knew that the sex didn’t mean anything to her at all. She didn’t have any allusions as to what this was, and she didn’t ever make him feel anything that complex at all. Going down on her, by this point, was almost clinical, but he tended to receive more pleasure in giving than receiving, anyways. 

“You seem distracted,” Dolores commented, using her foot to tilt his chin up. She scowled at him when she saw his facial expression. “Have you  _ found  _ somebody?”

“What?” Five snapped. “No.”

“The reason I hired you was because you’re heartless, like me. Well, that and the fact that you’re attractive like me.  _ And  _ you appreciate money over your relationships—”

“What is your point, Dolores?”

“My  _ point  _ is that you’re ruining my fantasy by having feelings.”

“It’s not like the feelings are for  _ you.” _

“Well, obviously.” 

“Do you have anywhere you’re going with this at all?”

“Vanya.”

_ “What?”  _ He really hoped his voice didn’t sound as panicked as he was feeling. “What does Vanya have to do with anything?”

“She’s the person you like, isn’t she?”

“No. I don’t  _ like _ anybody. I’m not a middle schooler.” 

Dolores sighed. “You’re boring.”

“You just said that if I  _ did  _ have feelings for somebody it would ruin your fantasy.”

“Right, but I’d still like to  _ hear  _ about it. See if I need to try out any new surgeries.”

“I have a feeling that you’ve only brought this up  _ because  _ you want more surgeries.”

She laughed. “You caught me. What are you thinking of the current nose?”

“Looks egregiously expensive already.”

_ “Perfect.” _

He ducked back between her legs, pressing her thighs to his ears so he didn’t have to hear her speak. 

* * *

**_V.H. 4:57PM:_ ** _ Question _

**_Me. 4:57PM:_ ** _??? _

**_Me. 4:58PM:_ ** _ Yes? _

**_V.H 4:59PM:_ ** _ Do you happen to know how to snake a drain? _

**_Me. 5:01PM:_ ** _ That is, quite literally, the grossest way you could have phrased a booty call. _

**_V.H. 5:02 PM:_ ** _ Don’t be a bastard. I need to figure out if I should hire a plumber. _

**_Me. 5:03 PM:_ ** _ Are you trying to satisfy some sort of pool boy fantasy? Because I feel like you’re a little young for that. _

**_Me. 5:03PM:_ ** _ Also, you’re aware you could probably fix that yourself? _

**_V.H. 5:04PM:_ ** _ So you DO know how? _

**_Me. 5:05PM:_ ** _ I just want you to know that if you are expecting me to wear a slutty little toolbelt for you, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.  _

**_V.H. 5:07PM:_ ** _ How can a toolbelt be slutty? Because if there IS such a thing as a slutty toolbelt I’m going to have to insist you wear it. _

**_Me. 5:07PM:_ ** _ Are you flirting with me right now? _

**_V.H. 5:11PM:_ ** _ Depends on how much you disappoint me with the promises of that tool belt. _

**_Me. 5:12PM:_ ** _ Koo-koo-ka-choo, Mrs. Robinson. _

* * *

“I’m going to teach you how to do this myself,” Five told her when he reached her place. “Because it’s unnecessary that you call a plumber for this, ever. Which I imagine you would have if you hadn’t thought to text me first.”

“Are you going to ruin my plumbing?”

He scowled. “No.”

“Probably should have hired a plumber,” she muttered. 

“You’re aware that I could hear that, right?”

“Did I _sound_ like I was trying to lower my volume? Because I can say it louder, if you’d like.”

Five snorted. “Has anyone ever told you what sex work actually entails? Because so far the list of things you have given me has been fake dating and handyman services.”

“How do you know I don’t just have highly specific fetishes and get off on this?”

“Why are you acting so...  _ cantankerous _ this evening?”

“Cantankerous?”

“Would you care for a definition?”

“No. I’m just curious why you think that I’m not  _ normally  _ like this.”

“Because you seem… reserved.”

Vanya laughed. “Didn’t you say that we were friends?”

“Well, yeah. I suppose.”

“Don’t you imagine that would mean that I might be the  _ slightest  _ bit more comfortable with you?” 

He raised his brows, realizing how she was walking, the scent of her breath. “Are you drunk?”

“Tipsy, but that’s not important.”

“How long have you been drinking?”

“Since Leonard…” She shook her head. “Nope. Won’t talk about him. I’ve been drunk for the past… I dunno, forty five minutes.”

Basically since they’d stopped texting, after he’d promised he’d come over. He wished that he’d come over sooner, based on the fact that she appeared to have gotten sloshed in response to some bullshit with her fiance. Five liked to think that if he had gotten there earlier, he could have prevented this. “Are you alright?”

“No,” she chirped. “But you can’t really do anything to help me, either.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!!!!!💕💕💕 Updates will happen when they happen!!!!!💕💕💕

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading💕💕💕


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